Last night Ashley and I "got away". Sean was at an overnighter with the youth group so Ashley and I decided we needed a break from the worry and stress that had been consuming us the past few weeks. However, we didn't want to spend much money and we couldn't leave for too long because we had no one to watch our dog, so we got on the priceline website and booked a hotel in South Bend for an eighth of the actual price. Thirty minutes later we had a small bag packed and we checked into a hotel in the area. We closed the curtains, pretended we were in Chicago and then we ordered some pizza, played games, and watched Christmas movies on TV. As silly as it sounds, it was amazing.
As we left the hotel today we both talked about how much we needed a break. It seems that in combination with the worry about our baby; the holidays always seem to consume us. We worry about getting the perfect gift for everyone in the family, we worry about making sure our house is clean and food is prepared for our guests, and we are also reminded of who is no longer with us this year. This last one can be physically and emotionally crippling at times because the holidays are a time we celebrate with our family and friends and there is an obvious hole at the table or around the Christmas tree. Ashley and I know all too well the pain of losing loved ones, but as I reflect on the holiday season this year, I don't want my mourning to overshadow the enjoyment I could have with the loved ones still here. Yes, I think it is very necessary to remember our loved ones who aren't here, but I also want to celebrate the fact that we still have family and friends surrounding us.
So I'm thankful for a night where I could rejuvenate and re-prioritize my thoughts this holiday season. As I remember Elliott, my mother-in-law and the other loved ones I have lost, I am also very thankful for the many blessings I have been given this year. One being the little boy that is currently kicking away inside of me. But most importantly I want to remember that I am incredibly blessed to be able to celebrate the birth of our Savior knowing that God wouldn't have sent His Son to be born on this earth if He didn't love us more than we can fathom.
We lost our little one three years ago, two days after Christmas. Each year, we've spent that day in both remembrance of who is missing and in celebration of who is still here. We've intentionally not let the sorrow overshadow our joy, but welcomed it as a part of our history now. So December 27th has become a very special day for our family and one I'm actually looking forward to this year, in some strange way.
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