My husband preached a sermon today about peace and how our fears hinder our ability to fully rest in God. My greatest fear right now is losing my baby, but my fear is stopping me from trusting God fully. I want to completely trust God, but I can't because I won't allow myself to fully give up my fears to Him. Matthew 11:28 says, "Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.'" Ashley said in response to this verse that, "God wants us to rest in His promise, that we are worthy of His love, that He hears our prayers, and that He knows the desires of our hearts...God is here."
In the past year there were many times I questioned whether God heard my desperate prayers and whether he knew the true desires of my heart, but I questioned Him because I didn't fully understand that trusting God doesn't mean I get what I think is best, it means that I trust he knows what is best for me. Honestly, I needed to walk through those dark valleys in this past year to fully appreciate what I am blessed with now. I needed to lose a son, to completely love another one. I needed to learn how to rely on God, so to fully understand He is here...every day...every step of this pregnancy. In the past few days I have been reminded of this with the simple kick of a foot on the inside of my stomach by my little boy. God's little miracle growing inside of me and God reminding me ever so subtly, that He is here.