Missing You.

Why is it that the holidays make you miss people who are no longer here?  There are several people that I miss right now (in no particular order).

1) My mother-in-law, Chris.  She was always full of loving wisdom and there have been times in this past month that I wish I could gain knowledge from her.

2) My grandma.  She was a woman that lovingly disciplined me and helped make me into who I am today. I often miss her and wish I could share nursing stories with her, ask her advice on parenting, introduce her to my husband, and just see her hold my son.

3) My grandpa.  I want him to try the cookies and fudge that I make from his recipes and get his sweet smile of approval.  He was a man of very few words, but his kindness always shined through his eyes.

4) My father-in-law, Gary.  I wish he could be here to see what his son is doing with River Park Grace.  He would be proud.

5) My uncle Jeff.  I would love to have him meet Jude and have him take Jude on boat rides at the lake and make his famous Tony's breadsticks.

6) Elliott.  I often wonder what he would look like, what his personality would be like, and how much fun Jude would have with an older sibling.

Although I greatly miss these people, I am thankful for the time that I did have with each one of them.  Sometimes I like to just sit and reflect on the memories I have of them.  Sometimes those memories bring tears and sometimes they bring a smile.  As I rocked Jude to sleep today I told him stories of his family members he will never meet and I hope to continue to do this until he feels like he knew them too.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

I have come to my blog repeatedly over the past week to write something and I just can't seem to find the words.  There is a lot on my heart in regards to some sensitive issues in my life and I just can't find the appropriate words to express them.  But I'm thankful that I don't need words for my God to understand my heart.  He knows my thoughts and prayers.  He knows my desires.  And for that I am thankful.

On a different note, Christmas is upon us.  What a wonderful time of year.  The lights on trees, sweet treats made for friends, presents bought for family.  I love it all, but what I love even more is that we get to celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  How amazing that He came to this earth purely to die for our sins, in order to give us life!  Ashley and I have been talking about traditions we want to start now that we have our own family and many of them center around the modern day celebration of Christmas, such as making cookies, cutting down a Christmas tree, etc.  But we have also noted that we want to be intentional about teaching Jude the real reason we even have the chance to celebrate Christmas.  We want to read about the birth of Jesus prior to opening gifts on Christmas morning and we want to be intentional about giving back to someone in need during the holidays.  My prayer is that as we make these traditions part of our family that we will also be able to instill a love for Christ in Jude as he grows older.

Below is Jude with his first Christmas tree and stocking made by his grandma.  This is the first year in my entire life that I haven't had a real tree, but with Jude on the move we decided we better be safe and put up a small fake tree instead.  So I guess that means one more evergreen tree gets to live a year longer...

With Blessings Come Tears of Joy

My little boy turns 6 months old tomorrow.  Just thinking about it makes me cry.  I don't want him to grow up.  Although I know there are great things ahead for him, I just want to freeze this time forever.  Another big milestone is happening tomorrow too.  We are having our first service in our new church tomorrow evening.  As our team was mopping the floors, scrubbing the toilets, and doing sound checks, I was almost brought to tears out of joy for what is ahead for River Park Grace.  We have been incredibly blessed by acquiring a building that is paid off and we have a team that is absolutely amazing.  So with that being said, I have a feeling that tomorrow may be a somewhat emotional day for me.  But it's only going to be emotional because of the incredible blessings in my life; both Jude and River Park Grace.

What I'm Thankful For

It's kind of sad that the spirit of thankfulness is usually only at the forefront of my mind when November approaches and Thanksgiving is around the corner.  I have a lot to be thankful for all year, but I often forget to recognize my many blessings. With that being said, I'm going to write a list of many reasons I'm thankful this year.

I'm thankful that through painful experiences in my life, I have been able to see the joy in them through time and with God's mercy.

I'm thankful for the ability to wake up every day and kiss my son good morning.

I'm thankful for a husband that loves me unconditionally.

I'm thankful to have a husband that I can love unconditionally.

I'm thankful for friends who laugh with me and cry with me.

I'm thankful for the journey God is taking our family and the River Park Grace team on.

I'm thankful for the ability to love God freely.


Wow, I could keep going and I'm also so undeserving.  My prayer is that as Thanksgiving comes and goes, I continue to remember the many reasons I am thankful and to not get caught up in being disappointed by what I think I deserve.

A "Normal" Schedule

Just a quick update on my life:  I am moving to day shift at the hospital!  It was a tough decision, but I am so ready to sleep normally.  When I applied for the job and got it I cried because I am going to miss all my wonderful co-workers on night shift, but as I was driving to work that evening (after not getting much sleep), I felt a huge weight off my shoulders knowing I wouldn't have to work nights much longer.  My patience with Jude is tested every time I work several nights in a row because I am so tired and I'm looking forward to functioning on a normal schedule now.  There are a few drawbacks to day shift.  The main one being that I will be working every 3rd Sunday for 12 hours.  With the beginning of our church plant and knowing how important it is for Ashley and I, this will be hard, but we will manage.  Also, I will be away from Jude for 12 hours while he is awake.  To be honest, I dread this, but I'm hoping my days off will be much more fulfilling for both of us since I won't be so tired.  So I should begin day shift in the next month or so and I'm looking forward to it!

Rolling and Running...

Jude is approaching 5 months here in the next week.  I can't believe it!  He is changing and growing every day and I love playing with him because he is so interactive.  He started rolling over a week after he turned 4 months old and he loves it.  We had to quit swaddling him at night because we were finding him on his stomach with his arms tied down to his sides.  We figured this wasn't the safest thing!  He was an excellent sleeper at night, now I would say he is just a good sleeper.  We took a few setbacks when we stopped swaddling him, but he is doing better now.  The only issue is that I feel like when I'm working his schedule gets all screwed up and then it takes a few days to get it back to normal and then I go back to work.  Oh well, such is life I guess.  Jude also sat up for about 30 seconds by himself the other day.  More times than not he is still a little top heavy and he tips over, but he is getting so close to doing it by himself all the time.

Jude and I have also been loving this summer-like weather too.  Now that he is big enough we have been using the jogging stroller and running at the Riverwalk.  I LOVE it and Jude doesn't seem to mind too much either.  It is a little more work to push a stroller when running, but I like to have a distraction and someone to run with and its a better workout to push something!

Below is a favorite picture of mine from a recent fun in the backyard moment:

4 Months Old

Happy 4 Months to my sweet little Jude.  When I woke up this morning around 6:30, I couldn't help but reminisce about the intense emotions I felt 4 months ago at that time.  Jude had been born about 4 hours before that and I was experiencing a love I had never experienced before.  It was an unconditional, pure love.  Every other type of love that I had experienced up until that point was formed and thought about, whereas my love for Jude was instant, strong, and hard to explain unless you have experienced it yourself.  It makes me reflect on our Father's love for us because He too loves us unconditionally and I think at that moment when I first held Jude I finally fully grasped how blessed I am to have my Savior's love without having to earn it.  No matter what Jude does or doesn't do, I will still love him and I am thankful that is the promise that our God has for us too.

Jude is getting so big and is really coming into his own.  He smiles and giggles all the time, especially when Ashley is playing with him.  He does this funny inhaling laugh thing and it is really cute.  He also sleeps like a champ, which I am so thankful for.  He usually sleeps 8 to 9 hours every night and then takes at least 2 naps during the day that are at least 1 1/2 to 2 hours.  I think he is going through a growth spurt now because last week he ate all the time and now today he has been sleeping for over 2 1/2 hours for his morning nap after sleeping 9 hours last night.  Jude also has a few nicknames, either Baby Jude or Mr. Jude.  They are cute little nicknames and I love hearing them both when people call him by those names.

Ashley and I are getting into more of a routine with life and work and having a baby.  It really is great.  Ashley summed everything up perfectly yesterday.  He said once you have something you care about so much in the world, like Jude, all the trivial small things don't matter any more.  How true!

Here is a recent picture of him.  Despite the fact that ND is 0-2, Jude is still their littlest big fan